Is Being Happy Performative or Survival?

By: Aneesha Mahapatra

Lately, it feels like everyone is chasing happiness: Whether it’s their morning matcha, their OOTD, self-care routines, manifestation, or in their “healing era”. But, somehow everything seems to be performative in a way where you can’t really tell what’s real and what’s fake. 

Somewhere between grabbing a coffee or catching up with friends, we forget the one truth no one wants to say out loud which is actually realizing you’re not happy. It may not be because your life is falling apart, or because you’re upset about something, but because everything seems fine on the surface, and yet something inside you feels off. It feels like you’re losing your mind but can’t find the answer as to why. Personally, acknowledging that you’re unhappy is one of the hardest pills to swallow when you want everything and everyone around you to think you’re okay.

It’s easy to confuse being busy with being satisfied. To scroll through everyone else’s social media and convince yourself that if you just worked harder, posted more, or found a new hobby, you’d feel better. But happiness doesn’t come so naturally. It’s a difficult balance that’s hard to hold when life gets too much. Trying to force yourself into it can feel like a full-time job, one that leaves you even more drained and disconnected than before.

What’s even scarier is when you do realize you’re unhappy and have to admit it to yourself and have no idea what to do about it. How do you explain a sadness that doesn’t even have a reason? How do you open up about something that sounds ungrateful when, technically, everything is “fine”? You start to wonder if people will truly understand, or if they’ll brush it off as overthinking, burning out, or just another phase. 

Sometimes you’re stuck feeling unhappy and think of it as selfish when there are so many bigger problems in the world, and more people who have it rough. You tell yourself, “I am doing and have things other people dream of on a daily basis,” but sometimes diminishing your own feelings leads to self-neglect. 

In a world that celebrates success, self-improvement, and “good vibes”, unhappiness can feel like something to fix. But maybe it’s not a flaw, maybe it’s just a form of truth that doesn’t fit your agenda. There are days we drift toward the negative mindset without meaning to, replaying the worst possibilities even when you want to feel better. It’s not intentional. It’s less painful to spiral than to hope. It could be a soft signal or even a cry for help that something inside you deserves to be heard, to be seen not just as a physical being, ceasing to exist. 

We’ve been conditioned to treat happiness like a brand: something to curate, post, and prove. How many times does one have to tell themselves that moving away will make them happier? Will it actually or are they just ignoring a feeling so deeply embedded in their heart that they can’t accept willingly? Sometimes, happiness doesn’t even feel like a feeling, it feels like a performance. We smile and wear it like an accessory, hoping it’ll convince the world (and maybe ourselves) that we’re okay. But people who struggle with accepting their feelings know that real happiness isn’t portrayed for the public, it's quiet, personal, and often unbearable. 

I’m sure people are tired of listening to their family and friends telling them that they’re not really depressed or unhappy, they’re just bored. “Make yourself busy during the weekend!”, “Book something to look forward to!”, “Quit your job and fulfill your dreams!”, “Do something that’ll put your mind at peace!”, “You’ll be fine, I promise!”, “Everything will work out!”. 

It’s dismissive and frustrating behavior when people are being told how to fix themselves. When the people who you thought knew you best are trying to analyze you without really understanding what you’re feeling. Obviously, it’s not easy to comprehend sometimes and can be annoying for them when you’re constantly unwell which makes them want to distance themselves from such negative energy. However, unhappiness isn’t something you can solve with advice or by doing something that’ll make you smile for an hour, it’s something you have to sit with until it starts to make sense.

Maybe the bravest thing we can do is stop pretending we’re thrilled with the "meaningful" moments of life and hiding behind fake smiles, and start embracing our true nature. Because being unhappy doesn’t signify losing yourself, it reflects a deeper awareness- an invitation to confront who you really are beneath the surface.